i felt like a journal change.

so i decided to tell you all something about me.
most of you [my watchers] know me as a nostalgic verging on depressed writer, right?
well that's totally not me. its just how i write, but as i speak or should i say type i'm trying to change that, mainly because poetry should be something really close to you right?, and sadness and whatnot is not close to me.

i'm the sort of girl who lives off laughter and smiles, seriously you will hardly ever see me with out a smile on my face, literally its like stuck there.

i dunno i mean i've had my fair share of ups and downs, but haven't we all. we're [mostly all of us] teenagers. we're bound to feel sad and happy and a bunch of other irrational feelings all at once, its because of a little thing called 'growing up'. and it is unexplainable and shitty and great. at the moment i'm trying to find out who i am, and what i really want to do in life. and to be honest i have no flipping clue, and that's scary, but its also so so exciting. i want to travel the world. go to places i have never even heard of before. i think that's what i really love, uncertainty and spontaneity, because i love the thought of 'what if'.

life is like walking into a crowded party, thinking omfg i'm about to die. you're scared and nervous and excited [and partly drunk] but you soon get talking to people and you think hey, you know what, this is cool. i like it. i don't want to leave.

and i'm starting to sound like one of those people who do self help things. like "close your eyes, count to ten, you're on a beach, you're happy" haha.

what i'm really trying to say is, life is as it is, its scary and challenging and there are points when you just think "fuck it all" but it is also the best thing imaginable.

so go outside and watch the sun set, or go on a picnic with your family, or just lie on the sofa with your friends. i don't care just laugh and smile and love.

and remember istillloveyou